Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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