we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
