dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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