so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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