i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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