Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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