Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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