You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
