i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
