It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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