yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
that may or may not have been my penis.
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