we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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