He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
