he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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