You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
