So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
