I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
high people should be assigned attendants
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
