Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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