honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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