she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
