Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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