You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.