we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros