Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her