Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever