You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass