This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
