he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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