New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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