I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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