i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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