And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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