I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have aggressive nipples.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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