i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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