My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
