A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
PANTIES FOUND
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