one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
