I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
