Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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