Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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