come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
