she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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