Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
