I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
