I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
