he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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