ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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