The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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