idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
