Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I accidentally burped into my bong.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
