So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ugly people sure do ruin things
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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