just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
