I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
