Michael Bay diarrhea
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
