I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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