How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize