I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
