O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
