That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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