I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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