Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
