Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This baby is an asshole
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
