Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
