I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
