I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
be right there i have to get my cape
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
