You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
