I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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