Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
