i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
