I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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