The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We got so high we made milksteak
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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