i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
