I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
