dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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