I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
