I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I booty called her while she was in labor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
