We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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