I accidentally burped into my bong.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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