Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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