what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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