Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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