dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize