Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
