she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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