I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
